I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
