My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
