a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The best revenge is premature balding
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
my liver is dry heaving
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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