oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
