I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
