When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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