ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
