It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
