remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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