for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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