No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
