why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
