Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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