Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
