There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
