No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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