so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
