Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
