ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
