My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
