I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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