Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
