i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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