2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
