ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
