we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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