weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
