i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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