Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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