my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Randomize
