I just saw a hot homeless man
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
