If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
