I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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