im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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