no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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