Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Are we still banned from the library?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
