if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
