just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Randomize
