i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
