How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
