i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
My balls are so social today.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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