He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
