i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
