Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
