I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just gift wrapped bread.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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