i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I am mentally ready for anal.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
