Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
