This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
