U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
