Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
