I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
