Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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