If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
